The Working Mom

I've been granted the opportunity recently to have a feel of what it would be like to juggle work and home. Since getting pregnant with Zac, I haven't worked and haven't really missed it much. It's likely that I was so tired out from working my job as a freelance stylist and writer for publications that I was more than happy to stop!

If I'd been that gleeful in telling my bosses that continuing work wasn't really an option, why didn't I quit earlier? Thinking back, I think my job gave me financial freedom and gave me an outlet to release my creative energies. It was exhausting but it also gave me a means to run with the hip crowd and gave me an identity. Unfortunately, I woke up most mornings not really liking the frazzled ball of nerves I'd turned into. Now with 2 little boys and running home and hearth, I've settled into a comfortable routine so I've never entertained the thought of going back to the grindstone.

Working this job that I took on pro bono as a favour to the husband, I got to stick my toe back into the working world. I can tell you that it was nice to be in strangely familiar territory but it remains to be seen if I miss all this enough to go back to playing the game. I missed my boys and felt an engulfing sense of guilt when I thought of their little faces. I prided myself on being available to them all the time and taking care of their every need. Not being there for that many hours of their day bothered me.

Is compartmentalizing at all possible for me? Do I even want/need to go there?